“You never should have been called as pastor of this church.”
Those words were spoken to me over 20 years ago, but they still sting when I think about one of the most painful conversations I had in my 20 years as a pastor. In my current ministry consulting, coaching, and supporting pastors and churches, I have heard reports of variations on that theme more often than I would like to acknowledge.
Here’s a true statement that you can write down and take to the bank: No matter what your vocation is, you WILL BE criticized at some point.
No matter your vocation, you WILL BE criticized. Click To Tweet
I shared a quote last week from Mason Cooley: “We are prepared for insults, but compliments leave us baffled.” I think the meaning of that is that we expect to be insulted, not complimented. The reality of insults (or criticism) is what we are prepared for. But how to respond to them? Well, that’s another story.
So, what do we do with insults or criticism? Let me offer a few suggestions that have proven helpful to me over the years:
Consider the source – I have been criticized by professional, world-class, if-there-were-a-PhD-in-criticism-they-would-have-it critics. You probably know some of them. They consider it their duty to point out everything that is wrong in the world. They tend to be unhappy joy suckers who can’t stand it if everyone is not as miserable as they are. Their words sting, but don’t take it personally. However, if the criticism comes from a generally joyful person who is typically on your side, then you may want to pay more attention.
Acknowledge the truth – No matter the source, something was the trigger for this particular criticism. My critics have never been 100% wrong. There is always room for growth. There is always an opportunity to learn. In fact, compliments have never motivated me to learn anything new. Even our biggest fans only help us grow when they challenge us.
Compliments have never motivated me to learn anything new. Click To Tweet
Avoid isolation – It is a bad idea to keep it to yourself. You’ll stew in it. You’ll go over it in your mind and think of all the things you wish you had said in response. You’ll believe too much or too little of it. And you will risk becoming bitter. I believe that everyone needs a small group of close friends who can help us process criticisms. I’m not talking about a group of blindly loyal fans. I’m talking about people who can help us with perspective. Ideally this group is getting together regularly to help one another grow and develop the kind of character we want to demonstrate in life.
Model right behavior – Don’t respond in kind. Be the kind of person you want to be around. As Jesus said, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” (Matthew 7:12)
Be the kind of person you want to be around,. Click To Tweet
Our lives matter to God. May our responses to criticism speak louder than the words of our critics.
Question: Which of these four responses is most difficult for you?
