This week I am sharing a piece that I wrote as a guest post for Relentless Ambition a few weeks back. I highly comment my friends Jeff & JacQueline Roe and their ministry to you.
If you have been in leadership for any length of time, you’ve been there. I’m talking about the moments when conflict raises its head in all its ugliness and venom. The times when you see things about to spiral out of control and people who are supposed to love each other and be on the same team start to choose sides and draw lines in the sand. Those moments intensely and uniquely test the mettle of your leadership. So what’s the best way to approach those moments?
Take a NAP.
No, I’m not talking about going Rip Van Winkle and hoping that it will all be over when you wake up. I’m talking about deliberately and intentionally becoming the Non-Anxious Presence in the room. I’m talking about stepping, not out of, but above the fray and being the one who pours cool water on the fire rather than gasoline.
So, you may ask, what are the benefits of this NAP time? Here are just a few:
- You are leading by example. Both calmness and chaos are contagious. You want to make sure that the right “germs” are airborne in the room.
- You are emphasizing “we” over “me.” Some issue is interrupting our unity and fellowship. You want to try to get all of us facing the issue together, rather than the issue being the dividing line between us and them.
- You are identifying conflict as a positive sign. What? Positive? Absolutely! People don’t have conflict over things they don’t care about. Conflict and apathy tend not to coexist. You want to affirm the passion that people are bringing to the discussion and then channel that passion toward a positive shared vision.
Sounds simple enough, right? I am not so naive as to believe or suggest that it is easy. In fact, there are serious challenges to NAP time that we must be willing to accept:
- You can’t take it personally. Even if it is. Even if it seems that the vultures are circling above your wounded carcass. Taking the high road is often a difficult climb, but remember your calling.
- You must surrender your agenda. It may not be about you, but it may be something about which you care deeply and in which you have invested much time in prayer, preparation, and emotional capital. Your task is to get everyone focused on God’s agenda. Hopefully, yours matches His, but to focus on yours is to invite continued division between those who are with you and those who are against you.
- You must love those with whom you disagree. I admit it. That is stinkin’ hard sometimes. But Jesus did not say that the mark of discipleship is how well we lead or convince, but how well we love. And perhaps one mark of a great leader is how well we lead our followers to love one another.
This approach give a whole new definition to “power NAP.”
