Presumed Trustworthy

Sometimes presumptions are like assumptions — they are wrong.

That’s the risk we take when we move forward without knowing all the facts.

There exists a principle (in theory) in our judicial system that says one is presumed innocent until proven guilty.

What that means is that innocence is assumed/presumed as the default. One does not have to prove that he or she is innocent. The burden of proof is on whomever is making the accusation of guilt.

I’m not intending to make this post about theories or practices within our judicial system. I’m using this as an example to introduce some expanded ideas on what I wrote about last week in my post entitled, “The Rhombus of Doubt.”

In that post I wrote, “You don’t have to do anything to gain entrance to my circle of trust. You have to do something to get removed. In other words, my goal is to assume you are trustworthy until you prove yourself untrustworthy.”

Therefore a brief and extremely simplistic summary of how I attempt to navigate some of life’s challenges would be that I do not require people to prove that they are worthy of trust, respect, or the presumption of innocence.

Does that mean that I am going to allow a complete stranger to babysit my grandchildren?

Of course not!

It means that I am not going to assume that every stranger is out to hurt my grandchildren.

Does that mean that I am so gullible that I’m going to believe every sad story someone tells me?

Of course not!

It means that I am not going to assume that every person is going to lie to me.

Does it mean that I’m going to assume that people are unbiased and have no hidden agendas?

Of course not!

It means that I’m not going to assume that every person’s agenda and bias makes them untrustworthy.

You see, I think there are degrees of trust—which means that the circle of trust is not a single circle, but a series of three concentric circles. And I think they are all based on relationship.

The very central circle is a core group. These are those with whom I will trust my secrets, my aspirations, and my fears. They have been engaged with my life long enough that they’ve seen me at my best and my worst. They’ve heard my confessions, shared my sorrows, and celebrated my joys. They have not had to earn my trust, but have proven over a long time that the trust I granted them was not misplaced.

Outside that circle is a larger cohort. These are those with whom I will trust my opinions, my likes, my dislikes, and even my frustrations. They have interacted with me enough that they have seen how I respond to different situations. They’ve seen the different sides of my personality. They’ve seen me excited and disappointed. We’ve had some deep conversations. They have not given me any reason to believe they could not be trusted at a deeper level.

The bigger circle is a large crowd. It’s made out of most anybody with whom I interact. I will trust them with information and conversation. I won’t assume there is any reason not to trust them with more, we just haven’t interacted consistently enough to have the opportunities to go deeper with each other.

And here’s the last ingredient in the trust recipe (yes, I have switched metaphors): the trust is mutual.

In each circle, I am trusted at the same degree that I grant trust.

Could it be that our culture has a problem with trust and respect because we have a problem with healthy relationships?

Could it be that we have trouble discovering our amazing because we’ve isolated ourselves into corners of mistrust, suspicion, blame, and cynicism?

Just thinking out loud.

Be amazing today, my friend.