Be in someone’s “Five”

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

“You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with.”

Both of those quotes have been attributed to business guru/motivational speaker Jim Rohn.

I’m not sure which way he said it, and for today’s purposes, I’m not interested in doing the research to track it down.  (That’s not laziness on my part, it’s focus).

The point that is usually made is that the law of averages calls us to recognize that our lives are significantly shaped by the handful of people we allow to influence us.  It is not only the positive influences that shape us.  That’s why the word “average” is used.  A negative influence shapes us as well if we allow it.

Some who use this quote have used it to suggest that we need to eliminate the negative or critical voices in our lives.  It’s a matter of selective marginalization.  If you can’t avoid a negative voice entirely, as least avoid it as much as possible.

That’s great until the negative voice is your spouse, parent, child, boss, business partner … you get the point, right?

Or what if you are a pastor, social worker, first responder, or community leader?  Creatively responding to negativity is part of your job.  You won’t do it well if you eliminate the negative voices and simply surround yourself with fans.

Another approach is to recognize that life involves some negativity, so elimination or marginalization is not the goal.  The goal is to intentionally spend as much time as possible with the positive influences.  And the idea of a group of five is a recognition that it is impractical to have too many influencers in your life at one time.  The most effective approach is to spend significant time with a few positive influencers and leave enough margin to spend necessary time with others.

I think this gets a little closer to the ideal, but life is so seldom ideal.

So, here are two thoughts to encourage us today:

1. Visualize the growth you want to experience and find a mentor/influencer who can help and guide you on the path to achieving it.  That could be someone you know who you choose to spend time with in person (that includes on the phone or online). That could be an author or teacher into whose writings you decide to do a deep dive (that includes books, podcasts, blogs, courses).  The point is to be intentional about your growth and what you are doing to make it possible.  Don’t try to listen to every available voice on a topic. Find one you respect and go deep.  You can move to another later.
2. Recognize how you have already grown and consider for whom you might serve as a mentor/influencer.  You may only see how far you have left to go, but the truth is that you are a few steps ahead of someone else.  I just started facilitating another life design cohort.  I told them that I am not an expert in this process.  I’m just further down the path than they are.  It’s like a third-grader mentoring kindergarteners!

Our lives matter to God. We have the opportunity (and responsibility) to choose our influencers wisely.  We also have the opportunity to speak wisely into the lives of those who choose to listen to us.  Can you think of a higher compliment than to be in someone else’s Five?

Be amazing today, my friend.