A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue.
That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.” – Truman Capote
“To get real diversity of thought, you need to find the people who genuinely hold different views and invite them into the conversation.” – Adam Grant
“A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.” – Mark Twain
“A person isn’t who they are during the last conversation you had with them – they’re who they’ve been throughout your whole relationship.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
“A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years mere study of books.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Silence is one of the great arts of conversation.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero
If there’s one thing that could change the divisive climate of our current culture, it might very well be a commitment to—and exercise of—healthy conversation.
What we tend to have more often is a preponderance of words, information, and opinion, but very little actual, beneficial learning.
Could it possibly be that we have never been taught the art of healthy conversation?
Yes, I said ART.
A conversation is not formulaic, though the components are real. That’s the way art works.
A portrait painter uses real media—paints, canvas, brushes—but must creatively blend, adjust, select, and view from different angles and with different lighting to achieve the desired visual outcome.
True artistry is not displayed through paint-by-numbers.
A symphony composer uses real notes—A, C#, E—created by sound frequencies and uses real measures like quarter notes and dotted sixteenths—but must arrange them into unique patterns with unique instrumentations to create the desired auditory outcome.
An artful conversationalist uses real components—words, emotions, silence, listening, empathy, opinion, respect, intellect, body language—but must constantly adjust in the moment to achieve the desired outcome of mutual understanding.
Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be writing about the art of talking WITH—not simply TO, AT, or OVER—another person. This will include conversations that happen online and IRL (in real life—doesn’t that make me sound like I’m up-to-date on the current lingo? Of course, if one uses the term “lingo” that person might not be so up-to-date).
Because I am an opinion columnist and not an investigative journalist, that means that I’m going to be writing about what I believe to be true and beneficial based on my personal experiences (which includes dismal failures), observations, and study over 61 years of attempted communication.
Here’s a good starting place by means of introduction: I know a lot. That’s just the truth.
But the amount I know is infinitesimal compared to what there is to know. That means I need to approach this with humility, understanding that I have much to learn and many from whom I can learn.
Wouldn’t that be an amazing approach to begin each conversation?
See you next week.
Be amazing today, my friend.
